Sharing the Load
Dividing Responsibilities For New Parents
The early weeks with a newborn can be overwhelming, and many new parents feel the need to take on all the work themselves, especially if they are the birthing parent and have a partner working outside the home. I often hear, “I should have the house clean and dinner ready so they don’t have to worry.” But in reality, parenthood is a shared journey, and embracing shared responsibilities supports both the baby’s well-being and family harmony.
Here are five essential tips for balancing responsibilities and letting go of guilt when it comes to asking for help:
1. Define Responsibilities and Share Tasks from the Start
Split up night feedings, diaper changes, and baby care duties based on what works best for your family. I suggest making a list of all the household responsibilities and all the baby/childcare responsibilities. Start by seeing if anything on the list can be elminated or “outsourced”. What can you let go of? With what is remaining, decide who will do what. If a family member, like a grandparent, or a friend offers to help, consider their support valuable in creating a balanced routine.
2. Embrace Asking for Help—No Guilt Allowed
Asking for help does not mean you’re failing as a caregiver. You don’t have to prove to anyone that you have it all together. There is a huge misconception in our culture that other moms are “doing it better!”. When you sit down with someone and really find out how they are doing, everyone feels like they are drowning at some point. Don’t let the social media feed fool you. No one is immune!!! Recognize that balancing responsibilities and getting help is an investment in your well-being, your relationship, and your child’s happiness. Every parent and caregiver needs breaks to recharge.
3. Create an Honest Communication Routine
Schedule weekly check-ins with your partner and other key supports. Regularly ask each other how you’re feeling and whether any responsibilities need shifting. Open communication builds teamwork, which is essential in this new chapter. There’s a great process called the State of The Union Meeting described by The Gottman’s that can help!
4. Plan for Downtime and Self-Care
Carve out time for self-care. It’s crucial for each caregiver to have moments to recharge. It may seem counterintuitive when time is tight, but your mental health will thank you, and it allows each caregiver to return to baby care with renewed energy. If one or both parents are working outside the home, going to work doesn’t count and downtime or time for self-care. This should be time independent of work, chores, or other responsibiltiies. I won't allow you to count grocery shopping as your time off!
5. Recognize the Power of Small Acts of Support
Sometimes, small gestures go a long way in sharing the load. Even 10 minutes of uninterrupted time for a shower or having someone bring over a meal can make a big difference. Accept these acts as a gift to yourself and a necessary part of balanced parenting.
Ultimately, sharing responsibilities and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Letting go of guilt allows everyone to support each other fully—fostering a happier, more resilient family.
